A Leap of Faith

This is the story of our day in Pyongtaek. Although this is the name of a small town the adoption agency referred to their orphanage located there by the same name. This was to be my first experience of visiting an orphanage. I anticipated the emotions but until you’ve been there you cannot imagine. It is here where the title of this post originated, “You Can’t Save Them All.” I walked around the entire time, with my camera in my upraised hands, trying to avoid each little hand that reached up to me for a touch, a hug, or any loving touch I could give. The children pictures are a collection of pictures taken this day as well as on subsequent trips.

Ho Mi Yung at Pyongtaek

There was, however, one face that appeared at nearly every corner we turned. She had a sweet, sad smile on her face and we couldn’t help but notice her. Lora and I whispered to each other that perhaps she might make a nice older sister to Jennifer and Michael. We thought she was about ten years old. You see her here in the cafeteria lunch line just as we first saw her. Our hosts noticed our interest and asked if we wanted to know more about her? Cautiously, we said yes. They told us she was thirteen and had been in the orphanage since she was ten. We understood them to say her name was Ho Mi Yung (phonetic spelling—we had it all wrong but it will do for now). Still showing some interest we had our picture taken with her.

It was at our lunch afterward when our hosts told us she had two brothers at Pyongtaek. That was all we needed to hear, there was no way we were going to adopt three more kids; especially a sibling group of older children! Thanks, but no thanks! We would have to be insane to even consider it.

Allow me to relate another lesson in the realities of female children at Pyongtaek. Ho Mi Yung was thirteen and had not been in school since arriving in the orphanage. She was too old to attend school because it required a small tuition; any available funds would go to the male orphans. She “earned” her room and board by being a caretaker of small children. Look closely, you’ll be able to pick her out in some of the pictures. At sixteen she would have to leave the orphanage and provide for herself without an education or skills to get employment. I’ll leave the rest to your imagination but it was not an easy life awaiting her.

We returned home to Ventura and our two infants on July 1st, 1986. Jennifer and Michael had stayed at my sister’s during our two week trip and we were relieved they remembered us. We, on the other hand, still remembered Ho Mi Yung. Between the two of us we discussed the insanity of bringing all three into our home. Most days one of us was pro with the other against; until one day we found ourselves on the same side. We thought we knew how difficult it would be; and we also knew we could offer them a better life with a loving home and an education.

We contacted our agency director and asked if she could make inquiries that might lead to adoption. Their referral was in Minnesota and the agency was happy to forward us their file for review prior to our final decision. We learned their correct names; Ho Mi Yung was actually Huh, Eun Kyung and her brothers were Huh, Kee Haeng and Huh, Kee Seong. Eun Kyung was thirteen, Kee Haeng was eleven, and Kee Seong was nine.

Huh Siblings--Eun Kyung, Kee Haeng & Kee Seong at Pyongtaek

Their story was much like some of the cultural information shared earlier. Their natural father was dead and their mother had tried, in vain, to provide for them. She had placed them in her parent’s care but they were still raising their family, too. Finally, they were placed in one of the regional orphanages on Eun Kyung’s tenth birthday and soon transferred to Pyongtaek. While at Pyongtaek, Eun Kyung was offered placement with several families but she would not leave her brothers.

Huh Siblings in new home--Ventura, CA USA!

Older children are termed “hard-to-place”; and older siblings are closer to “impossible”. They stayed there with little hope of adoption until the “plan” introduced them to us. We gave the final okay and in November (just four months after our first trip) I traveled to South Korea to take custody of the Huh Siblings. I had just started a new job and asked for five days leave to bring them home. I ended up being gone ten days due to paperwork issues. Fortunately, my new employer was fully supportive and actually gave me paid vacation time!

This post was all about “You Can’t Save Them All”. We, on the other hand, were doing our best to save all we thought we could afford and fit into our small home. Our first two, Jennifer and Michael, were to fulfill our needs to be parents; adopting the next three was more about giving them a chance to have a better life. I’m not trying to make anyone feel guilty but there is a huge need for people who have hearts to love children and can find room to give them a home.

In my next post I’ll share our experiences of adopting older siblings and their transition to life in the United States. It is not a story for the faint of heart. Please return for “Zero to Five in Three Years”.