Determined--Christy's Story

“Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it.” - Lou Holtz

I was tempted to name Christy’s story, “Stubborn”. In the end, however, I settled on “Determined” because it’s more positive. “Christy’s Story” deserves to be a positive story of hope and personal determination (stubbornness?) to live the American dream. From the moment we first saw her in Korea she has been hard working and dedicated to experience all she can—she is a daughter any parent would be proud to call their own.

Her entrance into middle school in December, 1986 was a significant challenge. She had not been in school for three years; did not speak English; and, she was older than her classmates by almost two years. Her home room teacher took Christy under her wing and provided her with a safe environment where she learn at a pace she could tolerate. Of great benefit was our Korean dentist’s wife who took time from her own young family to tutor Christy and her brothers. And she had the help of another adoptive mother who, even though she was not Korean speaking, managed to supplement Christy’s early English education.

Through sheer determination she excelled. English continued to be a challenge until high school graduation but in her other subjects she earned excellent grades. Math, history, science, and P.E. did not have the same writing requirements as an English class. Because her teachers recognized her willingness to accept responsibility for her studies they made allowances for her. And she thrived!

When Christy arrived she was an awkward, shy, and quiet young girl. She quickly gained what we called her “American persona”. The clothes we bought in Korea for her homecoming were not the kind of clothes her classmates wore to school. Her ungainly walk turned into the “slinky” walk of a young female teenager. She laughed and chatted as she walked to school with new friends. She wanted it all and she absorbed her new lease-on-life with a voracious appetite.

She still retained her “mother” role with her two brothers. When they were too rowdy or disrespectful she would rattle off a heated stream of Korean. And even to this day she continues to be their guardian; the older sister who would not abandon them in the orphanage. Interestingly, they still turn to her for help after all these years.

Three years after her arrival she entered high school. By now she was “all American” and into the experience of being an older teen. She tried out for the girl’s soccer team but her lack of experience made her non-competitive. She knew I had been a long distance runner and asked me to “coach” her before she went for try-outs. I wasn’t running anymore but I agreed to ride my bike alongside and do what I could to help. She turned out to be a natural runner with a compact, smooth stride. I watched her that first day and told her I couldn’t help her anymore. She just needed to run to get more fit with the training schedule I gave her.

This is when we learned that Christy’s “determination” was also competitive. She was as dogged in her dedication to be a competitive runner as she had been in her studies. She tried out for the Cross-Country team and earned her spot with good times. She became one of the best contributors and typically finished first or second place for the varsity team. Christy applied her same hard work ethic to the track team and became one of their leading runners for the distance events.

Her team and coach recognized her achievements when she won the Dia Rounds Award for 1993. This award was in honor of a young lady who had exemplified the same hard work and determination to excel in Cross-Country and Track before she was unfortunately killed in an automobile accident. Winning this award was a proud moment in our lives and affirmed our adoption decision.

Christy still struggled with writing the English language. In her senior year she had yet to pass the English proficiency exam. On the last opportunity she earned a passing grade and was now ready to graduate from high school. We didn’t know before this, however, that she was going to graduate with Honors! Her class had over five hundred students; she was one of nineteen students to graduate with Honors that day. Again, what a testament to Christy’s determination to do it all! She had been in the United States less than seven years and had already achieved so much.

Christy from 8 years to high school graduation. (Click on picture to zoom)

There is a darker side to Christy. Many times as a teen she would enter into what we came to call her “Princess Dark Cloud” personality. These were typically brought on by disagreements with her siblings or when we exercised “parental guidance” on some subject. She would literally not talk for days. On several episodes of non-talk I would finally just sit on her bed and talk to her until she began to respond. There were times I spoke for over two hours before breaking through. The silver lining here was that we developed a close bond that continues to this day.

Christy continued her education by attending junior college near our home. She earned her AA Degree but again writing English was a roadblock. There is some disagreement as to why Christy stopped any further college. As it stands now, if she elects to go back to earn a degree, she has an open offer that her school costs would be our responsibility.

Somewhere along this time we had a major falling out caused by a misunderstanding. Christy felt wrongly accused and we didn’t back off on our interpretation of the events that caused the rift. As a consequence Christy moved out and we didn’t communicate the better part of six months. We finally agreed to disagree because we missed her and wanted to be a part of her life. We had seen adoptees estranged from their adoptive parents and we were determined not to have that happen to us.

When Christy was old enough to work she got a job. Her first employer was Taco Bell. It was located only a few blocks from home and she usually walked to work. After her shift was over, however, we would pick her up because it was dark. I still remember the smell of her clothes when she got in the car—yuk! It was a sickening blend of spoiled lettuce, ground beef, salsa, beans, and who knows what else.

With her employment she was earning money. She soon saved up enough to purchase her first car, a 1972 Mustang. It was in great shape, ran well, and offered her a level of freedom never before experienced. She did not know how to drive so I became a driving teacher. We have a joke between us that she still does not know the meaning of a green signal versus red. One of our earlier lessons had her careening around a corner on two wheels right through a red light; she claims it was green but at the speed she was driving she couldn’t have seen it! We laugh now but at the time it was not funny.

Shane
All during high school, college, and after there was an interest in the boys. Some of them had our approval and some did not. She was working at Sav-On Drugs when she met their Coke rep, Shane. At six foot-three he was as tall as she is small (Christy is five-three). Soon we were helping with wedding plans with a date set for October 7, 2000. Christy and Shane were married with Jennifer as part of the wedding party and Shane’s long time friend as his best man. They honeymooned aboard the Disney cruise ship in the Caribbean and enjoyed the blue waters and warm breezes.

You should see by now Christy’s determination to work hard, experience life and to take advantage of opportunities afforded her? Not long after her wedding she began the tedious process of becoming a United States citizen. Many people we’ve talked to over the years are surprised to learn that citizenship does not come with adoption. Some of the rules have changed for younger adoptees but it’s not automatic and older kids still go through the entire application process. It was another proud day when we traveled to the Pomona Fairgrounds to watch Christy, along with 3,000 other applicants, swear allegiance to the United States.

Grandkids Alexis and Zachary

As Christy stood during her citizen ceremony she was pregnant. On August 27, 2002, Alexis Mae was born after nearly twenty-four hours of labor. Christy gave me and Lora permission to be with her in the delivery room; after five kids and not seeing any of them being born it was a supreme privilege. In June of 2004 Zachary Tyler joined their young family. Again, Christy allowed me in the delivery room and the marvel of his birth was amazing. I still get tears in my eyes when I think of watching my grandkids being born.

Christy and Shane had their kids while living in a good sized condominium which was perfect for their first home. But again Christy wanted more and they purchased their first home just a few miles from us. They bought a nice three bedroom house near an elementary school where the kids now attend. It’s been difficult for them since they bought when the market hit its peak but I’m confident our determined daughter will prevail and make it through the challenge.

Christy is still running and I’ve started again, too. In the past three years we’ve run lots of training miles and have completed one marathon and two half marathons. She’s nice enough to start with me but I’m soon running alone. I hope we can continue for many years to come because it continues to nurture that bond we developed many years ago.

My next story is going to be about Scott who is now thirty-five. Scott’s tale will be quite different from the others because he has, without apology, challenged us for most of the time he’s been home. Let’s call his story, “Scott, the Contrarian”.