Scott--The Contrarian

“Half the people in the world are below average.”—Anonymous

From the earliest reports we have about Scott it’s clear he considered himself above average. In the Initial Social History document, dated May 28, 1984, it states, “…(he) wants to become president in the future.” A progress report the following year has him still claiming presidential goals or becoming a “brave air force officer”.

Scott’s father (the father of Christy and Kevin, too) was a truck driver who died in 1978 when Scott would have been three. We know his father was only thirty years old and that he was a high school graduate. Their mother was an elementary school graduate.

Given this background where would Scott have gained such ambition? My belief is that part is due to the fact he was the first male born into their small family. In Korea, as it is in many male oriented societies, the first male is the designated heir to the family fortunes. As to presidential aspirations I can’t answer; the air force officer is probably due to a nearby American Air Force base. The kids have told us of occasional visits from Air Force personnel who visited the orphanage and would pass out small gifts and candy.

In a later part of our story I’ll relate details of our family visit to South Korea in 1995 and the privilege we had of visiting with Scott’s birth mother, grandparents, and multiple other family members. For now I want to introduce it because it helps to explain how we came to know of the time between Scott’s father’s death and his entrance into the orphanage. We were told during our time with his birth family some of the details of that six year period—

When Scott’s father passed away his mother tried to support her three young children by doing cleaning work. While at work she left the children with her parents. Scott was an energetic and mischievous young boy who gave his grandparents more than they wanted to handle. They were still raising their own children and their youngest about four years older than Scott. As the story goes there finally came a time when it was decided that the grandparents could no longer provide care for Scott and his siblings so their mother placed them for adoption.

In some of the follow up reports about Scott there are brief passages about his commanding personality and resistance to direction. We now know these were hints of challenges we would face when attempting to bond with him and include him as a member of the family unit. These same reports also praised him for his excellence in math, his athletic prowess, and outgoing personality with his peers. Additionally, he easily made friends and could comfortably make conversation with people of all ages.

When Scott arrived in the United States it soon became obvious there were going to be adjustment issues. While in the orphanage he, along with his brother, were more or less in charge of their own daily schedules with little adult supervision. Here, under our roof, there was a sudden stream of instructions of what, and what not, to do and when. This young, independent, and strong willed boy of eleven decided this was not right. One quote from a progress report in 1985 says, “…he fights to the end if he thinks he is right.”

He knew how to take care of himself and needed no adult intervention. This was particularly so when Lora attempted to tell him what was needed. We believe Lora represented the mother, and grandmother, who had abandoned him in Korea and he was still very angry. So much so he would willfully defy Lora’s direction and yell at her in defiance. With me he could be defiant but rarely dared to yell and he would finally yield to my authority.

On one day as I entered our home I came across Lora and Scott in a heated argument. She was crying and he was loudly yelling at her. I didn’t know the reasons and honestly didn’t care. I had had enough of his bold disobedience. I grabbed him by the front of his shirt and lifted him off the ground; there was a cabinet corner directly behind him and I roughly pushed his head into it with a loud crack. Lucky for me he wasn’t hurt (it is widely known Korean heads are hard!). It ended the yelling and argument but I knew I had made a serious mistake and I was scared.

Never before had I lost my temper to the point of violence. I had just committed child abuse on a child belonging to the State of California. I reported myself to the adoption agency who was obligated to report me to the county authorities. I was visited by an officer of the county and was ordered to undergo counseling. I learned we all have a breaking point but there are better ways to deal with the anger besides damaging a child.

This incident would delay our normal finalization of adopting Scott, Kevin and Christy because of the counseling. It was further delayed because Scott’s age required his written consent and he refused. Christy and Kevin were ready to sign their consent but wanted to wait for Scott to be included. Twenty-nine months (the minimum wait is six months) later on April 20, 1989 we finally went to court to legally adopt him and the others. In front of Judge McNally, Scott suddenly had a change of heart and refused, again. The judge, with infinite wisdom, simply turned to Christy and Kevin and asked them if they wanted to proceed without Scott—they answered, “Yes”. Upon seeing the boat leaving without him he decided then to join us and signed his consent.
There were positive stories during this turbulent transition for Scott. In January 1987 he tested 88.0% in math after being in the U.S. only two months and still struggling with a new language. His fifth grade teacher took a personal interest in assisting Scott with his transition to America. She made it possible for him to be included in the outdoor school experience when we couldn’t afford to send him. She encouraged him with his studies and he ended fifth grade with “Outstanding” marks in Math, Spelling, and Accepting Responsibility. In middle school the next year he scored in the 90^th percentile in math. His language skills still hovered in the 20-30^th percentile but he was learning fast!

#23 on defense, Scott Ruffin

Then in high school Scott wanted to play football. I figured it was just the sort of physical activity to use some of his boundless energy. The school had an academic requirement of a “C” grade average to participate in sports; given Scott’s desire to play I made it a “B” average because I knew he was capable of more. He rose to the challenge and made Honor Roll! He played aggressively until he damaged his shoulder tackling a runner and his football days were over.

Going to the prom in high school.

He then tried baseball with limited success. Here he was playing with kids brought up in the Little League system and his lack of experience made it obvious he would not be a competitive member of the team. He moved from there to soccer and here he found his upbringing gave him the ability to contribute to the team’s success. He had played soccer while in the orphanage and was noted for his quickness and aggressive play. On the high school varsity team he played defense with his speed and fearless attack of anyone trying to move the ball past him. Playing soccer at the high school level is almost as physical as football without helmets and padding and he did well.

Scott graduation from high school.

After high school Scott did a brief stint in the United States Navy. He trained to be a fireman and was part of a damage control team aboard the aircraft carrier USS Kittyhawk during an Indian Ocean deployment. Memories of my Naval Aviation experience were brought back to life via Scott’s experience on the carrier. His goal of someday becoming a fireman were cut short, however, when an unfortunate accident nearly cost him his leg and he was excused from further duty.

Out of the Navy Scott went into the building trades as a pipe fitter/plumber. He successfully completed a five year certification course through the local community college and continues to earn additional licenses. Being a pipe fitter allows Scott to exercise his math excellence in a real world vocation. The challenge with his work has been the availability of jobs in our down economy. He has moved where the jobs are and has recently returned from Washington for a project here in Ventura.

Scott at Michael's graduation from San Francisco State University.

Scott, at thirty-five (2010), is single. He has had steady girlfriends and was engaged for a short time. By his own admission he is a difficult person to be with in a relationship. We believe, and he has agreed, that he is subconsciously challenging any woman in his life to stick with him due to abandonment issues as a young boy. He is generous to a fault, has a kind heart, is a loving uncle to his niece and nephew, and is a loyal friend. It will, however, take a strong woman to share life with Scott.