Crossroads—The word suggests there is a choice and that more than one path is available. In our case we believed, at the time, this was so but came to the undeniable conclusion our family designs were part of a much larger plan.

The following summarizes what we had accomplished on our journey so far:
We met, we married, and we made several unsuccessful attempts to have a child through artificial insemination. What’s next?

When the pregnancies did not work Lora was mad. She was mad at her body, the doctors, me, and God. How could God make her go through what it took to get pregnant only to take the child away? We believed in God but did not attend church at the time. (This is not going to be a piece about religion.) We did, however, begin to believe there was a plan and I believe you’ll agree that in the end it was not us in charge.

The following Bible verse is very special to us and I suggest keeping it in mind as we continue: Jeremiah 29:11—“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Lora later placed this verse on her mirror where we could see it, daily.

Remember, Lora’s child was to be a girl with blue-eyes and blonde hair. Adoption became our next crossroad. There are many available children without families but to find Lora’s little girl the method was to find a young mother whose intentions were to place her newborn, female infant for adoption.

We hired an attorney who specialized in adoptions. She gave us a list of California OB/GYN’s. Then she instructed us to get a nice couple’s picture and create an introductory letter stating our desire to find an infant. We were then to mail each doctor on the list a letter along with a picture—in other words we were marketing ourselves as prospective parents! The hope was that a doctor, with knowledge of an eligible child, would see our sales pitch and recommend us to the birth mother.

At the same time, we knew two couples who had done domestic adoptions. Both couples had brought their infant child home and we asked to meet on the chance we would gain insight to their success. What we learned was it was a very risky proposition. Unfortunately, both were already in custody battles because one, or both, birth parents had a change of heart.

We halted our processing of the letters, immediately. We determined we would have to disappear and leave all behind if a birth parent suddenly decided they wanted “our” child back. In fact, one of the couples we mentioned showed us their packed bags in case the court ruled against them. (The court awarded them custody so it wasn’t necessary.)

Now, what were we to do? Adoption did not look like a choice available to us. Lora’s OB/GYN then suggested we check into international adoption. He was aware of her little girl hopes but gently reminded her that being a Mom wasn’t about having a child through natural childbirth, or about eye or hair color, or the color of their skin. A child needed a loving home where they could grow up safe.

About now the “plan” is going to reveal one of its secrets. In all of California there are fifty-eight counties (in 1982). One county, and only one, had an International Adoption program subsidized by the state. Yep, you guessed it, our own Ventura County!

The Ventura County government administered the program and they held monthly orientation meeting for people like us. The first meeting we attended gave us the guidelines of the program and the people seemed nice. We also learned of the near zero chance of a birth parent making a custody claim after the child was in the United States. Still, Lora’s little girl idea was challenged by the County’s use of South Korea as the source of adoptable children. At least her little girl didn’t appear until one of the newly placed children found its way into Lora’s arms. At that instant, Lora looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, “I’ll take one like this.”

Thus began our journey down yet another path. As you will learn in the next post this path was not without its challenges. I’ll cover the details of the mounds of paperwork, the personally invasive interviews, and the waiting for “Jennifer-Our Little Girl is Home”.