Jennifer-Our Little Girl is Home

We received our first “official” correspondence from the County of Ventura regarding the Intercountry Adoption program on July 1, 1982. It was our first milestone to begin the waiting process. Some start the “waiting clock” when making their first inquiry while some start with formal approval of their paperwork. It’s similar to being pregnant except you have some expectation the pregnancy will last about nine months. For us the clock started when we were invited to call for a screening appointment with a social worker in October, 1982. Our “pregnancy” was to be thirteen months.

The interview was our first glimpse into the adoption process. It was an invasive type of interview where the questions are personal and we had reservations about answering. The social worker sensed our reluctance and then established the ground rules. Her priority was not to provide us with a child for adoption; her duty was the safety and long-term, well being of the child. She wanted to make certain we were suitable custodians of the child she might place in our care. Next question, please?

At the conclusion of our meeting we were given a list of paperwork to begin the actual home-study (and this was only the start of the paperwork):

(2) Certified copies of birth certificates each
(3) Certified copies of divorces each
(1) Certified copy of our marriage license
Copy of tax return
Savings verification
Family photos--
(2) Danny
(2) Lora
(4) Danny & Lora together
(1) Inside our home
(1) Outside our home
TB test result (Lora)
Serology test results for Danny & Lora

On February 25, 1983 we were approved for the placement of a healthy Korean or Korean/Caucasian female infant. The letter also had a friendly reminder we were now in another “waiting” period and we would be notified when the County received our child referral. We were required to attend four parent seminars held once a month before she arrived. I don’t think we realized it then but four required classes over four months meant our waiting could equal the same amount of time?

After what felt like an eternity (four months) we received word in late June that our referral was here. The information about Jennifer, as we had named her during the wait, was brief and we hung on every detail. She was born April 22, 1983 and was 3.7 kg (about 8 lbs, 2oz) and 18 ¾ inches long. Her birth mother had left her at a maternity clinic with no further details. A South Korean social worker gave her the name of KIM Joo Hee; the surname is spoken first. The meaning of her name was Joo (gifted) Hee (joy) and she indeed was our “gift of joy”. We named her Jennifer Catherine Kim Ruffin. Catherine was Lora’s mother’s name and we kept her Korean surname, Kim, as part of her new name. Her picture is shown here as we first saw her and she was beautiful!

If the waiting before her referral had been difficult it was now unbearable. We now had a picture and knowledge of a child destined to be our little girl and we wanted her home! In August we got a call from our social worker. She needed to meet with us as soon as possible which had an ominous sound to it. We had heard of kids being referred to a family and for some reason taken back without much explanation. We learned that Jennifer was sick and would we accept her, immediately, so that she could receive medical care here in the United States? There was no question we wanted her regardless of her health which was diagnosed as tuberculosis. We were then told to hang on but the wait should be “brief”.

Our “brief” delay turned into three more months. We received some updates on her medical condition but no word of her arrival until late November. Finally, her travel date was to be October 13, 1983.

Unless you’ve been there it’s hard to describe the scene at the airport. Jennifer was not the only infant coming home that day. We talked nervously with our family members and with other parents about common experiences of waiting, the paperwork, more waiting, and our big day. Jennifer’s flight had gone through Customs and Immigration in Seattle so once the airplane landed we only had a short wait. She “walked” out of the jet way in the arms of her escort who was an American studying in Korea. She handed Jennifer to Lora and our baby was home!

She was only twelve pounds that day at nearly seven months. Clearly she was under weight but otherwise looked fine. Lora changed her first diaper and dressed her in a “coming home” outfit which was a good way of checking her out from top to bottom. In her aunt’s station wagon on the way home I gave her a bottle of soy milk. She gulped it down so fast I didn’t even have to burp her—and you can guess what happened next? She anointed her new Daddy with the contents of her stomach and my first lesson was complete.

I’m going to turn back the clock about two months to a time when Lora’s father, Roy, became aware of Jennifer’s ethnicity. We had been talking about the adoption for months and somehow he missed the small detail about her coming from South Korea. When he realized this he made the mistake of opening his mouth before thinking. It wasn’t a racist comment but more along, “Why on earth did you go to Korea when there are so many kids here in the U.S.?” You had to feel sorry for him because Lora and her Mother descended on him like two hungry Dobermans chasing a rabbit. He realized his mistake and quickly retreated from the room.

I tell the story about Roy because of the day Jennifer came home. He was not a person to apologize with words and he had not said a word since his ethnic awakening. He and Catherine (Lora’s Mother) came to our house that first evening. Jennifer was in her crib fast asleep. Roy, the outspoken heavy truck salesman with the gruff exterior, stood at the foot of her bed and cried. We all knew from that moment Jennifer had this Grandpa wrapped around her tiny, little finger.

Jennifer’s homecoming was a huge event in our lives. Overnight, we went from two mid-thirties, Caucasian Americans (some would say “yuppies”) to parents of an infant from another country and race. We have never thought of her as anything other than our daughter. For those of you who might wonder if you can love an adopted child I will tell you there is no difference—None!

Sure, we’ve had those who stared at us trying to figure out what recessive gene caused us to have an Asian baby. And, we’ve had people approach in stores and ask, “Is she adopted?” I know they asked without malice—but really! Or, if I was alone with Jennifer I’m sure those same people assumed my spouse was Asian; but when the two of us walked through a store with our little girl it produced some very puzzled looks going from my face to Lora’s, back to Jennifer’s, etc.

One of my motivations for this blog is to give adopting parents an insight to the adult adoptee and I’ll talk about Jennifer as an adult in more detail, later. For now, here is a summary of her growing up into the beautiful, young lady she is today: She attended neighborhood schools until her graduation, with Honors, from high school. In high school she was a cheerleader, attended the first inauguration of President George W. Bush, and was an exchange student with her high school’s German program. She went to the University of California, San Diego, and received her Bachelor’s Degree in International Studies/Political Science with an emphasis in European Studies; in her junior year she studied abroad in Germany attending Luneburg University. After graduating from UCSD she earned her Multiple Subject Teaching Credential from California State University, Channel Islands. She is now twenty-six (2009) and preparing to move to Boston to seek a teaching position and to be closer to Mike who is doing post-doctoral studies, in physics, at MIT. And, yes, we are proud of her!

Jennifer prepared us for our next step in family building. Our plan was to have two children so please return for my next post, “Michael—I Want A Son”.